Mixed fare..

I have just received my relieving letters. How matter-of- fact and crisp.

They tell the story of my life for the past 8 months. I'm relieved, I should be glad. Hey, but I'm no longer employed. Still, I'm content. I should get over the feeling that I have screwed up my life. 'Coz it's far from the truth. In fact, it really is the opposite. I feel like having reclaimed my life.

I never liked my job. In fact, I absolutely detested it. The person who slogged day in and day out at the office wasn't truly me. I was always trying to come to terms with reality. I tried to adjust with it and I almost succeeded.

I never revolt. My yahoo e-mail id starts with 'firebrand' but I have never been a firebrand. I silently took it all along.

I quit for a variety of reasons. I don't need anyone's sympathy. People keep saying how I have shot myself in the foot. Indeed it may be, but then I haven't exactly put a revolver to my head and blasted my brains out, right? At least, I have my head and it's still held high. And proud.

My job was supposed to be great. One of the best and most respected brands in the world. 'Best place to launch your career' , 'Best company to work for' ...the awards and accolades have always kept rolling in... It's indeed a Dream job. And boy, was I proud? I went with a lot of dreams.

Every company in this whole wide world, no matter how great it may be, will have some inhuman departments doing real shitty and crappy work. Just my good fortune to land up in one. My dream was One big rotten apple. The apple was all golden and glitzy on the outside but the core was rotten and infested with worms of the worst kind. I realized it the first day I set foot upon my office floor.

Ever-enthusiastic and cheerful, I went about my business. The training period was no honeymoon. It gave me the rudest shock about the nature of work that I was supposed to do. I wanted to cry 'Bloody murder'. Honestly, one can't do real crappy work like this and still hype this up like it was the most entertaining and engaging work in the world. It just isn't Fair.

It was a downward spiral from then onwards. It was suffocating and I felt real oppressed. But I knew I had to bear it out, no matter whatever the cost.

My professional life was a stuttering 19th century steam engine. Sometimes it just went about surging ahead albeit for short bursts but for majority of the time, it just huffed and puffed all the way to the station, labouring for breath, amidst all the abuses showered upon it by the insolent commuters and the hard, unfeeling engine drivers. The engine was in mighty need of repairs and a fresh lease of life but no one was prepared to pay heed to its seemingly unfair and absurd demands. Ultimately, It derailed. That's about it. Fair enough.

Looking back, I feel I could have corrected myself. 'Corrected' is not quite the right word; it would be 'Changed'. But I'm of the school of thought that believes that you can't just shake off your attitude like how a snake moults its skin off. Some things are hard to change and you are better served that way.

I have left my workplace with no regrets. Perceptions... they are hard to change. I learned that the hard way. I have made mistakes and I have always taken the blame for them. Certain individuals had issues against me but they were strictly on the professional front. I'm sure everyone will remember me as a kind human who doesn't believe in hurting anyone.

I have been wronged upon; I can elaborate on what went wrong with my first episode of professional life but I don't claim to be totally innocent either. I hold no grudge against anyone.

I'm a firm believer in the inherent goodness of the human heart. I see God manifesting Himself through people. I can never learn the language of hate and enmity.

It feels good that I'm back to what I truly am. The Congenial Human in me marches on .....